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7 Action Steps to Heal and Cope with Grief

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7 Action steps to heal and cope with grief

Dr.Truth & Associates; Blog (1)

*This is an excerpt from Dr. Truth’s new book- Black Girls Cry.

Grief is a natural and normal response to death and a lifelong process. It is made up of many different emotions, thoughts and behaviors. Through understanding, support and opportunities to freely express thoughts and feelings, children, teens and adults can develop healthy coping skills that enhance their lives. 

7 action steps to heal and cope with grief:

1.) Open your windows, air your home out (or your car and let the wind blow through your hair). Release some items in your physical space such as household items, clothing or trinkets that no longer fit or serve you. When you are ready (months or years later), you may be able to say out loud, “I release my (loved one-say their name). They served their purpose in my life. Thank you for the chance to be in relationship with them.”

2. ) Set the stage. Dedicate an area in your home to honor your ancestors or loved ones with photo/photo frame or items that remind you of your loved one. Add an item of clothing, jewelry or something that the person wore or an item/quote that the person enjoyed.

3.) Allow smell goods to enhance your mood. Light a scented candle or incense. Certain scents have the ability to trigger your senses. Research scents and essential oils.

4.) Vibe to some good music. Sing or dance or cry or wail to the tunes. “It’s your thing, do what you want to do”, said the Isley Brothers.

5.) Feel your feelings no matter what you feel. It is ok to feel your feelings. There are no “bad” feelings. Feeling sad, down, depressed, angry, numb, or any of those feelings mentioned in the aforementioned chart of feelings is ok within the context of grief and these are not considered “bad” feelings. Although some laypeople (non-therapists) may believe so. (Please see the criteria for depression and seek help when needed, if you believe your grief is lasting longer than it should, more intense than it should or if your functioning is significantly impacted negatively at work, school, home or you are unable to perform most of your everyday normal activities).

6.) Allow your “grief bursts” to occur. Grief bursts are when your senses are triggered by your 5 senses and usually the emotional experience or crying is unexpected and/or uncontrollable. You can be anywhere when this grief outburst occurs. The sight of someone may remind you of your loved one. Hearing a phrase or word your loved one frequently utilized or hearing someone who sounds like your loved one can all trigger thoughts/emotions that may lead to a grief outburst. Smells of food they cooked or a scent they used to wear. Touching an article of clothing that reminds you of your loved one or being in the presence of someone who “feels” like your loved one made you feel.

7.) Honor their life and legacy. Celebrate your loved one’s life and achievements. Dedication/memorial service, annual event/ritual, day of service, or make a commitment to achieve a goal in their honor. Continue their life’s work in a way you know-how. Volunteer at an organization (youth program, animal shelter, food pantry, etc) that they supported or loved.

To learn more about coping with grief click the link to purchase        Dr. Truth’s new book “Black Girls Cry“.

BLACK GIRLS CRY 3D

 

Join Dr. Truth, Felicia Houston, M.A., LCPC and Dr. Pamela Phoenix 2:00pm-4:00pm Sunday, December 16, 2018 to learn active and passive strategies to heal and cope with grief.

Click the link to register: Letstalkaboutgrief.eventbrite.com

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Grief articles:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/grief

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https://upliftconnect.com/what-nobody-ever-says-about-grieving/

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https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

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https://www.webmd.com/balance/normal-grieving-and-stages-of-grief

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https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/shades-of-grief/

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Dr. Ngonzi Truth Crushshon, Psy.D. is a license-eligible clinical psychologist, professor, and best-selling author. She has written for the Huffington Post and various local magazines on mental health and self-care. www.faithhopelovecommunity.com

How to get Sh@# Done!

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How to get Sh*@ Done!

 

How to get Sh@# Done!
Now that I have your attention!
How can we get sh*@ done that we need and/or want to get done?
  • *Write it down
    Write down 2 things that you want to get done, then write down 2 things that are stopping you from getting “things” done (fulfilling your dreams, your goals, small tasks for the day, homework, running errands, exercising, meeting deadlines, writing assignments, paperwork, reports, tasks, eating healthy, etc.).
    Is it your thoughts/emotions (fear, self-doubt, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, discouragement, self-defeating thoughts-“I could never do that?” “I’m too old” “I’m too young” “I’m not smart enough”)? Is it money/lack of money? Is it nobody to help you/no team/no support? or something else?
  • *Practice the 80/20 Rule
    While reading today at lunch, I was reminded of the 80/20 rule -that says focus on the most important tasks (the 80%) on your to-do list; and to complete the 2 most important tasks per day first, and then continue completing the remaining items on your to-do list. If you don’t complete your to-do list, it’s okay, it can roll over to tomorrow’s to-do list.
  • *Find motivation outside of yourself/Replenish your energy
    Sometimes I am overwhelmed, unmotivated and depleted of energy to complete anything on my to-do list, or to even write the to-do list. So what can we do?
    Well, you find the motivation. If you can’t find it internally then seek it externally. I listen to motivational CD’s, sermons, motivational speakers, mentors, coaches, read inspirational books/inspirational quotes, listen to uplifting music and/or find an accountability partner or support group to remind me of my WHY (why you’re doing this and to keep me on track with my to-do list and my goals).
  • *Be mindful when you are most productive.
    Take time to notice what you are doing (smiling, listening to a speaker), where you are (church, school, home, outside, indoors, around friends, alone, library), which days (Sundays are my most inspirational/stress free days), what time of day (morning, afternoon, evening) and when you feel the most motivated. Optimize this time/space to get a jump start on your goals/to-do list. For example, if I’m most motivated on Sunday mornings then I need to write at this time, in my favorite chair (indoors or outdoors) and wherever I feel most creative at that moment. Don’t place your most important tasks last-at the bottom of your to-do list and NEVER place your most important tasks at the end of the week or when you are the busiest (on a Friday or Saturday when most of us are trying to squeeze in family time, errands, events, etc-that’s a setup/surefire way not to get sh@# done.). So track the day of the week, time of day and most comfortable place that is most appropriate to get things done.
 P.S. I typed this blog after working two jobs, feeling exhausted and many reminders from my accountability partner to “get it done”. So why didn’t I just go to bed, which was my initial thought and to “do it later”? Because I knew that this blog would help someone be more productive TODAY.
 Please click the links below for more tips on how to get “things” done. As always, somebody’s purpose is attached to yours. The world needs your gift, purpose and calling. Let’s get it done! Til next time Dr. Truth… 🙂
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Dr. Ngonzi Truth Crushshon, Psy.D. is a license-eligible clinical psychologist, professor, and best-selling author. She has written for the Huffington Post and various local magazines on mental health and self-care. www.faithhopelovecommunity.com

Work-Life Balance vs. Work-Life Harmony

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Work-life balance is “a situation in which one divides or balances one’s time between work and activities outside of work” (Dictionary.com).


The work-life balance is often seen as a zero-sum game, where work and life are completely separate domains that are competing for time and energy. Alternatively, the concept of “work-life harmony” visualizes work and life roles as being interconnected and dependent on each other, rather than separate and in competition.

Most articles on work-life balance never ask the purpose of what we are striving to balance for- what’s the goal? They also rarely articulate what the “good life” looks like.There is an Aristotelian concept called “eudaemonia”. It is not just a happy or balanced life but a good life, one lived for worthy purposes and, uplifting to others. Some questions to consider: Is your job/career/work fulfilling? What is your purpose on earth? Are you working/doing what you were created or “meant” to do?

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On a personal note, my struggle with work-life harmony over the years has included various work schedules to create balance in my life including:

  • the traditional 40 hour work week,

  • telework/working from home,

  • field work (visiting client’s homes/hospitals),

  • PRN/on-call/casual employee work (setting my own work schedule 6 weeks in advance, as needed, or whenever crises with clients arise), and

  • Flexible or “flex” scheduled work (4 day work week).


However, even with variations in work schedules, I still find myself struggling with work-life balancing decisions. I have made some accommodations intertwining my work-life into my calendar/to-do list and try my best to inform my place of work of the next personal goal that I am striving toward (many companies applaud personal growth and want to know your personal goals, especially the goals that will help you better perform at work).


So how do we achieve this coveted work-life harmony, more often? At some point we have to choose between the demands of work and our personal lives but how do we align these various personal/professional roles (spouse/partner, parent/grandparent, family member, friend, employee,etc.) with fulfillment of our purpose? What usually drives my work-life decisions are my values, priorities and deadlines (work projects or important family events). What does my mind, body, spirit/soul need at this time and in this season? What will bring the most value for myself or the other person-(whether personally or professionally)? Can I rearrange my work hours? Do I have the time off or can someone switch work shifts? Can I work overtime? Can I recoup these hours/income? Am I making time for my personal and professional goals? Do I feel off balance? Does this align with fulfillment of my purpose in life/what I was created or “meant” to do?


ACTION STEPS:

  • This week check-in with yourself and ask what do I need more of/less of? More work or more personal/life/family/friends/non-working time? Be sure to spend quality time with yourself and others and to be present (not on your cellphone,distracted). Give them/yourself 100% attention.


  • Visualize what the “good life” looks like for you. Create a visionboard of what the “good life” looks like for you. What does it look like, smell like, taste like, feel like, sound like?

Article Links

https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesleadershipforum/2017/11/29/the-crucial-thing-missing-from-the-work-life-balance-debate/#2aefb25dcc4f


https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.entrepreneur.com/amphtml/311414


http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/work-life-balance


https://www.ted.com/topics/work-life+balance


http://mykindofmonday.com/work-life-balance-tips-and-techniques/



Dr. Ngonzi Truth Crushshon, Psy.D. is a license-eligible clinical psychologist, professor, and best-selling author. She has written for the Huffington Post and various local magazines on mental health and self-care. www.faithhopelovecommunity.com

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Make Time For Your Dreams

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2 Mindful Ways to Make Time for your Dreams

(in 10 minutes or less)

There is never enough time, if you are awaiting time to avail itself. You must make time for your dreams. But How? When? Most of us don’t have the luxury of not working. Many work 1 or 2 jobs, pick up/drop off children to school/sports practices/after school programs/summer camps or simply are trying to squeeze extra hours out of an already jammed pack day. Before work is rushed and after work is stressful fighting traffic/cooking dinner. Work-life balance can be difficult and weekends are for errands. Hopefully, after reading this article you can find your rhythm and make the time to do something you love-work on your dreams.

So where do we find the time?  In the words of Les Brown, “How BAD do you want it? You gotta be HUNGRY!!!” If you’re not hungry, then this post isn’t for you. Otherwise, SCHEDULE the time for your hopes, goals and DREAMS!

1. Plan your day the night before. More importantly, write down your schedule hour by hour each day. Most calendar/planners cost too much (unless you go to the dollar store) and don’t have the type of format that is needed. I love Mead planners hourly/daily/weekly/monthly calendars which cost $10-$30 (but I’ve used dollar store calendars/planners as well, they all work the same). However, you can also jot down your schedule on a napkin, a sticky note, the notepad on your cellphone or a scratch sheet of paper-(I’ve done all of the above, ask my friends, they hate all my calendars (I have 3 calendars right now) and think that I’m a dinosaur because I write on scraps of paper-which I never seem to lose).

 

I’m not telling you something I’ve heard, these are tools that I and other successful people utilize on a daily basis to plan their days, and ultimately their lives. These are successful habits of professionals, business gurus and millionaires. And me, with my 3 jobs and a possible. LBVS -laughing but very serious. These schedules/calendars also helped me stay on track throughout the doctorate program while working 2 jobs.

 

Here’s a sample of a daily schedule:

4am alarm goes off/wake up/ Affirmation alert on cellphone “l give thanks to God as the source of my supply” and “Nothing is too big or too good for you”

4:30am roll over for one more snooze, thank God for a new day, read my meditation

5am Get up/Bathroom/Shower/Get dressed

6am-6:15am Out the door/commute to work (enjoy the trip, view the scenery, listen to music, breathe deeply)

6:45am-7am arrive at work

12noon-12:30pm lunch

5pm off work/I’m OUT! (Leave work at WORK. jot down what you need to do tomorrow and don’t think about it again until the next day)

5:15pm commute home

6:15pm dinner

7pm-8pm relax/wind down/write in gratitude journal/ complete homework/ attend class

8pm-10pm work on my DREAM

10pm-11pm bedtime

 

*Disclaimer. Sometimes I don’t follow my schedule completely but it is still useful to have one as a guide. Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break, if you don’t follow the plan. I don’t always actively work on my dreams everyday but I’m often envisioning/thinking/talking about my dream, even if it’s in a passive manner. Keep your dream/s at the forefront of your mind. Remember your WHY. Why do you want this dream to become REAL? Who will it help? What will happen to you/others if you don’t fulfill your dream? Is this really your dream/passion (or is this someone else’s dream)?

 

2. Find an accountability partner/group. Select 1 person or accountability group whom you can share your hopes, goals and dreams and will remind you of what you said that you would do (in an encouraging way) on a daily, weekly or monthly basis. This accountability partner does not necessarily need to have the same goals as you or live in the same state as you, they can be a social media friend, an associate, family member, coworker, or mentor. The accountability partner will ask you about your 1 small goal for the week that leads to a larger goal (your dream).

 

For example, I will eat salads on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays (smaller goal, couple weeks to accomplish) that leads to your larger goal of eating healthy/living a healthier lifestyle (larger goal, months/years to accomplish).

 

Another example, I will send one email/phone call this week (small goal) to meet/interview someone at the top of their game in the field that I wish to enter (entrepreneur, teacher, construction worker, military, business leader, politician, realtor, makeup artist/MUA, etc) in order to feel inspired to take my next big step towards my goal/dream to become___________& to open my own business by ____________(enter the date you will accomplish this larger goal).

 

As it pertains to my dream goals, I have different groups of accountability partners/accountability groups (and visionboards with dates attached to each goal), for each of my goals (ie, study group for psychologist exam, Black Girls Run, church/spiritual activities, etc).

 

I read an article with a study that found many women usually socialize with the same group of friends (let’s say you have 5 girlfriends) and try to do everything/all activities with these same 5 girlfriends (shopping, church/spiritual activities, entertainment, gym buddy, etc) While on the other hand, men socialize differently, they interact in various different friend groups (For example, men may have 2 gym friends, 3 church/spiritual friends, 4 coworkers and very few, if any, of these friends overlap or are within the same friend circle). (I can’t recall where I read this study, otherwise I’d reference it.)  So women I’m challenging you to step outside the box and find different groups of friends/accountability partners because maybe your accountability partner/group is outside of your current sister circle.

 

Here is an acronym for DREAMS

 

  • DEDICATE

Set aside an intentional space for you to dream (in your home/your comfy chair/your car/coffee shop/at the beach).

 

  • REAL TIME

Plan specific blocks of time (7am-7:30am)

and add it to your calendar and “To Do List”

 

  • ENERGY

“Your attention goes where your energy flows”. Start working through your blockages, fears and failures from the past concerning your dream so you can have more energy. Speak to and affirm yourself and your dreams. Believe and feel that you can and you will accomplish your dreams no matter what the “haters” or negative vibes are telling you. You must believe in your dream before anybody else will and long before your dream manifests.

 

Currently, your dream may be in the seed stage and will need your faith to water the dream so it can grow & produce. Get around gardeners and seek the SUNLIGHT-those who speak life to you and your dreams. Pray, meditate and confide in an accountability partner or accountability group to help keep you uplifted and on track to fulfill your dreams.

 

AND …Then

 

  • MANIFEST

You will manifest the vision that God placed inside of you. God will send the right people at the right time, in the right place, after you have put in the hardwork. Doors will start opening for you. You will walk in your purpose and your dreams will manifest exactly how and when they are supposed to. Nobody can stop you from fulfilling your dreams but yourself. Nobody can fulfill your dream better than you. You were born for such a time as this to manifest your dream/purpose/destiny.

The excitement kicks in …& now that you have manifested your dreams people will take you more

  • SERIOUSLY….

And there you have it ….a simple PLAN to make time for your Dreams 😉

#Dr.Truth #Pyschology #Counselling #BlackMentalhealth#mentalhealth #breakinggenerationalcurses #socialjustice

And below are some resource links for further reading , to stay encouraged and informed:

 

Dr. Ngonzi Truth Crushshon, Psy.D. is a license-eligible clinical psychologist, professor, and best-selling author. She has written for the Huffington Post and various local magazines on mental health and self-care.

 www.faithhopelovecommunity.com

Suffering in Silence

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5 ways to discuss suicide, recognize the signs of suicide & cope with the loss of someone to suicide

“When those you love die, the best you can do is honor their spirit for as long as you live. You make a commitment that you’re going to take whatever lesson that person was trying to teach you, and you make it true in your own life. It’s a positive way to keep their spirit alive in the world, by keeping it alive in yourself.” ~Patrick Swayze

It is unfortunate and mind boggling that anyone has to die, but there is a mysterious void surrounding suicide-for both the person and their loved ones (or fans). So when learning of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain, I decided to speak about the dreaded topic: suicide.

As a crisis therapist, I pre-screen suicidal adult patients prior to the psychiatrist’s evaluation and I provide 24/7 crisis assessments and diagnoses for suicidal youth to determine their need for psychiatric hospitalization. However, the topic of suicidality is not easily understood nor is it comfortable to discuss with clients and their families. The conversation on suicidality is often steeped in long-held beliefs about death and dying including death-related fears, avoidance of conversations on death and/or spiritual beliefs regarding suicidality and what happens after death (post-death).  

Although this is not my first experience with suicidality, two friends committed suicide in my adulthood. I too wondered why this occurred and what if anything I (or anyone) could have done to prevent it. I am still exploring this-and still have not arrived at a reasonable response. Some phenomena such as death and suicidality will never be fully understood.

Here are 5 ways to discuss suicide, recognize the signs of suicide & cope with the loss of someone to suicide:

  1. Visit https://centerforparentingeducation.org/library-of-articles/riding-the-waves-of-the-teen-years/discussing-suicide/ to discover “8 Ways to Discuss Suicide with your Teen” orwww.wellandgood.com/good-advice/how-talk-about-suicide/ “A Psychiatrist Shares How to Talk About Suicide”.   
  2.  Visit https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/how-to-recognize-when-someone-is-at-risk-for-suicide/ar-AAyoxfk “How to Recognize When Someone is At-Risk for Suicide” or www.nami.org/crisisguide “Navigating A Mental Health Crisis”
  1. Create mementos or keepsakes to keep your loved one’s memory alive (picture book, journal, trinkets/heirlooms, voice/video recordings, etc.).
  1. Consult your primary care doctor. Meet with a mental health therapist or join a grief support group.
  1. Bibliotherapy– Read books on grief and coping such as : Grief One Day at a Time:365 Meditations to help you heal after loss by Alan D. Wolfet, Ph.D.

 *Call the 24/7 National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1800-273 -TALK or in Spanish 1888-628-9454

Dr. Ngonzi Truth Crushshon, Psy.D. is a license-eligible clinical psychologist, professor, and best-selling author. She has written for the Huffington Post and various local magazines on mental health and self-care. www.faithhopelovecommunity.com